How to survive another year without your loved one

I just "celebrated" another anniversary of the death of my dad. It has been seven years ago that I lost the man I looked up to with eyes of amazement. Seven years.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and miss him dearly. It’s taken nearly all of the seven years, but I have learned to see him all around me every day. I haven’t found peace with him being gone because I still cry, but I have found peace in knowing that I will see him again one day.

So how do you get through another year without your precious loved one? How do you survive that anniversary?

• Give yourself a little more grace. As the weeks turn into days before the anniversary, do you notice your on edge and snappy? While this isn’t an excuse to treat people horribly, it is okay to give yourself a little grace and realize that the upcoming day is effecting your mood.
• Remember to breathe. It’s simple and yet so helpful. I always notice that I seem to hold my breath a little when I am dealing with my dad’s anniversary. So I tell myself to take deep breathes and do it often. It helps calm and relax me.
• Talk to someone. Whether it’s a family member, friend, Pastor or counselor - talking to someone about your feelings and the weight of that loss is freeing. Most people have suffered loss and can relate to the feelings your having so they can sympathize with you on the some level.
• Pamper yourself. Ladies: Go get your nails or hair done, go shopping, or whatever makes you happy! Men: Go look at cars, go shopping or whatever makes you happy! Find something that just makes you feel refreshed and relaxed.
• Take a day off or stay busy. This varies from person to person. Some people like to stay busy on the actual day and some people like to take the day off and stay home. Do whichever makes YOU feel better. If you prefer to go to work and stay busy, do it. If you prefer to take the day off and veg out, do it.

I hope some or all of these help you survive another year without your loved one. Remember they are with you always and it’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be whatever you feel right now.

I’ve learned that my dad is in my life every day.  He’s not only in my heart but I see him in my kids every single day. I see him when I drive past a place we used to visit. There are so many times a day I see him and I love that I have finally been able to just remember and enjoy who he was. My hope is that you get to that place too.

New Year’s Resolutions Out – Monthly Goals In

Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution and not kept it? Oh not you, you have always kept your New Year’s resolutions! Ha! Of course we all make resolutions every year but most of us can never keep them no matter how much we try.

But most of us truly want to do better and change something. Whether it’s to be more organized, lose weight, drink more water, eat healthier, learn how to knit, and so forth. So why do we fail?

Because 365 days to keep a resolution is too long. It’s impossible.

Our brains can barely think about what we are doing next week, let alone what we are doing 6 months or 12 months from now!

So how can you set goals and make them count?

Instead of setting a yearlong resolution, set monthly goals!

At the end of each month, pencil time in to sit down, uninterrupted, and write down a few goals for the following month. The sweet spot is 3-5 goals. No more. No less.

You don’t want to be overwhelmed so that you won’t work hard to achieve the monthly goals and you don’t want to be underwhelmed so that you get bored.

Work hard! Make Changes! You can do this!

At the end of the month go back to your goals. What did you complete? Highlight it! Did you fail at anything? You can make notes on anything that you really struggled with and why. Now make your goals for the next month!

Here are a few goal tips:

• Don’t set unobtainable goals. 
• If you have a big goal you would like to complete by the end of the year, break it down into smaller monthly goals.
• Write your goals in a binder but copy them onto a piece of paper you can hang on your fridge or somewhere you will see them daily.
• Use tools to help achieve your goals. (Ex. Looking to drink more water? Purchase Hydrate labels for your planner to track your water intake! Looking to walk an extra 1,000 steps? Use your FitBit to track your steps)
• Every day of the month is a new day to complete your goal. Didn’t get those extra 1,000 steps today? That’s okay, tomorrow is a new day! Keep going!!

Remember to Work hard! Make Changes! You can do this!